Sunday, December 28, 2014

Showers to Flowers!


Hm. That may not be enough exclamation points. Lemme try again.


Do exclamation points make you feel all shiny and happy inside? They do for me!

My name is April! I think Piccolo already introduced me to you, but I figured I ought to do it myself! I'm not really familiar with computers much but she showed me this blog thing that apparently is really cool so I figured I would join in! I'm not one to miss out on cool things. Plus the fact that she asked me to make a post, so it would be silly of me to refuse such a request!

Since this is an introduction post, I figure that I should tell you all a little bit about me. I like the color green and singing! I like smiling and mist and the game Sorry! I like Disney movies! I like Navi and Piccolo too, they're both really nice, coming to help me out just because I sent in an email. Isn't that really kind of them?

We've been hanging out, it's great to have some company. Especially the company of two such pretty young girls. Did you know that Navi can't see Picasso? It leads to some confusing situations. That's why it's so heartwarming that despite all adversity they still are best friends. It's like a Hallmark movie! Star crossed friends! I'm super happy to have gotten to meet such interesting people. We played truth or dare! And watched a movie! And hair braiding! It's basically the best sleepover ever, every day.

Sometimes, people think I'm silly for seeing only the happiest parts of life. I say it's scientifically PROVEN to be awesome. You can trust me, I'm a doctor.

So in that vein I offer to anyone reading this who might be sad, a list of things to be happy about today!

  • It's sunny!
  • You can get pizza at any time of night!
  • It was Christmas recently!
  • It's almost a new year!
  • Gummy bears are delicious!
  • Navi and Picasso are great friends!
  • Picasso got to see her love!
  • Navi sings!
  • Dancing exists!
  • There are an infinite number of people in the world to make friends with!

And you are the most beautiful person I have yet to meet.




Saturday, December 20, 2014

So... April

The shattering went well. Kind of. I don't want to get into it. It was Moth's special little event thing so I'll let him talk about it and throw in a link here when he can finally be fucking bothered to post. Be seeing as hes procrastinating like fucking crazy I'll share this to tie any curious souls over.

Moth's mask was shattered, the ritual was completed, hes allowed to talk now, and I'm gonna kill the fuck out of that snide asshole Maggot for trying to beat Moth to death with his Mask!

Satisfied?! Good.

Lets talk about work.

So we met April. That was weird. Shes really weird.

I sent Navi to the fire escape window for the apartment address April provided when she made her request for help. I stood outside the apartment room's door.

The plan was simple. Navi was gonna get 'April's' attention by knocking on the window and if things went south I was listening in from the door to kick it in and assist if it proved necessary. Navi had instructions to make lots of noise in case of such an emergency. We were ready to kill the shit out of any hostiles that came at us.

What we got instead was a smiling freak. April apparently let Navi in. And after some amount of muffled talking I could barely make, Navi let April know where I was so she could let me in. This pretty little Asian lady with the biggest stupidest fucking grin you could ever imagine in her late 20s.

She offered us sodas, and called us pretty, and started playing twenty questions with us. All huge red flags. April was being painfully too nice and too generous. Especially for a runner. It was suspicious as shit. Especially in light of her fancy fucking. So few runners get away with such grand accommodation and living conditions. It didn't seem like she needed any kind of protecting or even any kind of help. She even still had a job apparently. Shes a brain surgeon.

So I started driving the conversation back at her to try to figure out what her game was.

"So Father, er... the tall and Slender Man is hunting you right? Hes stalking you? You are a runner?"

"Of course silly!" she says smiling bright. "Its why I called. I am a runner."

"But you don't seem to be... in any short of need. Does he not bother you much?" I asked

"Sure he bothers me sometimes, but I don't let it bother me!" she declared. I could feel my face drop in disbelief. I wasn't sure if she was being serious or if her answer was being colored by her inhuman amounts of optimism.

That was when I got a text from Navi. Its been explained in a few places but I don't know if I've explained it here. Navi is very blindish. She sees the world save for whatever Father wants her to see as entirely black. And when she is allowed to see people, they have colors. Colors she knows to be representative of a person's emotions. This is all important to know because I got a text from Navi explaining that April here didn't have any emotions. Her big smile was a big fake. And that such a complete lack of emotional response to anything could be indicative or a deep internalized issue or that April is a psychopath.

Not one to beat around the bush I confronted her with it.

"You don't have emotions?" I asked bluntly.

"Of course I do. Can't you see how big my smile is?"

"You look happy but you aren't," I insisted. With that her smile looked a bit strained but she refused to let it drop.

"You're so silly," she giggled.

It was pretty apparent she wasn't going to accept what I was telling her. Possibly some self denial there. So I decided to push back to our last topic. I noticed she has cuts and busies on her arms.

"You said Father isn't really bothering you right? Where did those come from?" I asked pointing them out.

"Oh! This wasn't your Father. It was one of his other followers," she said smiling bright again... creepy.

"A proxy then?"

"Yes!" she giggled. "We've been spending a lot of quality time, and I thought talking to his family might help!"

"Does he... need help? You just said he was hurting you," I questioned.

 "He's just lying to himself."  April said shaking her head, "No matter what I did I couldn't get him to smile!  I think he's hiding his feelings behind torture.  I didn't know what to do, so I called you!"

My face dropped again. At least this wasn't a complete waste of time. She did actually need some protection. Granted she doesn't seem to actually want it...

"I just want you to try and help your brother figure out what he really wants to do with his life!" she said cheerily and optimistically.

"... Sure. Just as long as that means he stops torturing you... we can do that," I said with a frustrated huff. I have no idea what we're actually gonna do but at this point I get the sense its a waste of time to try to argue about it with.

April smiled, looking actually happy for the first time since I've seen her. "Thanks for caring so much, Picasso.  You're super sweet."

He laughed and sighed a bit. "Yeah. Its whatever. I try to be I guess."

That's about when she let a bunch of other bomb shells drop. Like, this isn't her apartment. In fact I'm not even sure if she even knew the owner anymore. I know she somehow knew he was on a business trip of some sort, which was sketchy.

So we decided it would be best to just move her rather than risk her getting herself arrested staying in a stranger's house. So we looted the place and left. And now the three of us are sharing a single Motel room. So that's been awkward.

But besides that things have been normal. April, though wierd and creepy as shit, is nice and easy to get along with. Its just a matter of catching this proxy guy that's been bugging her now... which shouldn't be too hard I guess.

This job will be done in no time.

Picasso out.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

An Awkward Break in Events

So. We met April. Shes nice. Suffice to say, shes not a psychotic runner looking to ambush Free Market Proxies... I was way fucking off on that... seems silly in hindsight. I guess I may have just been a little bit blood thirsty when I set out... just a little disappointed.

I'll get more into that later I guess.

What important is I met April. I'm probably gonna put up a post about her soon. Shes cool... kind of.

In the meantime, I wanted to put this up to let Moth and the other's know I'm on my way to his shattering. I wanted to put it here so I don't have to explain when I left April alone in Navi's care later in case something happens. I did it now. Like right fucking now. As soon as I finish writing this I'm gone.

So if you see this, see you soon Navi. See you soon too April. I won't be long. I probably explain this before I left. Everyone else attending and reading this for some weird and incredibly fucking rude reason, I'll be there in a minute!

Hold your fucking horses assholes!

PaKaSo out!

Friday, December 5, 2014

Bringing Down the Hammer

Laying down the law. Noise, but with authority! Hehe. God I miss Gavel... he had the best one liners. I don't miss Judge, Jury, or Executioner. Those guys were fucking assholes.

Guess I shouldn't have bothered saving his ass. He died just like them all the same...

Hi! I guess? Maybe less enthusiasm. Hi. So I got a big update for you assholes... who ever you are. Who reads this shit? Navi? Hi Navi. Lots of shit you already know for tonight's post. As I explained last post, I'm black mailing an old friend who refuses to talk to me like a spineless asshole in an effort to get orders so I can resume doing proxy work.

It is the family trade after all. For Navi too! She's apparently a third generation proxy. I had no idea any of us live long enough to have kids. Then again, I suppose there are still proxy bureaucrats hiding behind their fancy desks like Sloth and Devil. Get to work you lazy sacks of shit!

So I've been hard at work trying to get the right assignment. I want to restart proxy work on the right foot with a big fucking bang! And now I have just the job to do it. A lot of what my 'Old Friend' had to offer was observation work, supply runs, quick opportunistic hits against rival fear cult members, abductions, and other weak but necessary shit. And that's when we got the E-Mail.

A request for protection from a runner. The only information they provided as a single sentence asking for help against other proxies, their name (April), and their address.

No phone number, no blog account, no personal information, no description of their dire situation. Nothing! Very few runners turn to the Free Market for help despite our generous offer to help those being threatened by fear related entities that aren't Father. I personally blame the couriers for that. To much hope makes dying men prideful. And prideful souls would probably rather die.

Whatever the cause, requests like these are rare so when we get them in they are rarely so brief. Usually they have quite the sob story attached. Desperation does have a way of making people talkative after all. So this request is an oddities even among oddities.

Now, I bet by now you're asking yourself, 'Why the fuck is she explaining all this? Does any of this even fucking matter?'

The answer to that is 'Shut the fuck up before I rip off and sodomize you with your own fucking hand you stupid piece of shit. Then we'll see what matters won't we?!'

Dumbass. It's simple. The request is so short because its a fake request. Someone wants to lure proxies into a trap using the Free Market's selfless generosity as fucking bait! Shameless runners stabbing the hand that seeks to shield them! Un-Fucking-Forgivable! And prefect... for me. Hunting down some ultra aggressive runner shit stains is exactly the kind of bang I want to restart my proxy work to!

We'll cut down those sick sons of bitches... just like Moriarty's goons cut down Gavel for being sympathetic. Because somethings gonna change if I have to kill each and every last one of you to make it happen!

To Atlanta!

Pa Ka So Out!